My father was born into a big family - he had 3 brothers and 7 sisters - a veritable cricket team! In addition, there were several first cousins, second cousins and cousins twice/thrice removed living along with them. The house that my grandfather built was huge and was able to accommodate all the members of the household.
Every year, like a ritual, we would spend our summer
vacation visiting my grandparents' place in Madras. Every one of my father's siblings would also
come down to the grand place and life was one big playground - cousins of all
ages, each of us vying for attention, playing games, playing pranks. It used to be two memorable months of
non-stop playtime and fun.
When I look back, I think of my grandparents and their home
as a huge banyan tree with deeply laid roots that held and supported the entire
family. Soon, with each of their children moving out to other cities and
starting families of their own, it felt like part of the main root was transplanted
into these different cities.
My parents set their roots in Bangalore. They laid the
foundation, built a home and family, nourished and supported my brothers and
me, nudged us in the right direction of career and family and soon each of us
went away to different locations.
My parents lived in the same house for well over 40 years.
Home for us was always my parents’ place. Home meant a place where we could be
ourselves; where we could be seen, be loved and be cherished for the 'persons'
we are with all our faults and blemishes; where our needs were always given
priority, where tasty food was prepared lovingly after considering our likes,
dislikes, and favourite dishes; a place where we could share our thoughts
freely and not be judged, a place to literally put our feet up.
As far as I was concerned, my home and roots now meant the
roots that my parents had put down - firm, strong, stable, supportive, and
ever-nurturing. Even with a home and family of my own, I continued to think of
my parents' place as the one that had the roots planted firmly.
A few months back, my father passed away at the age of 88,
having lived a long, fulfilling life - living independently, always calling the
shots and always being in-charge.
Suddenly with his demise, it felt like the huge tree that had sheltered us
all, had been completely uprooted as it came down shattering to the ground.
With my father's death, I now no longer have a parents' home
to go to. It was a safe place that I could run to anytime - sometimes to hide,
sometimes to heal, sometimes to just be. It has not been easy, but I am slowly
learning to overcome this huge feeling of loss and come to terms with my grief. While trying to make sense of life and death,
I realise that a part of my father lives
on with me. In all my thoughts and memories, he will always be there. In his
passing away, he has passed the baton to us. He has passed on the roots taken
from his parents and has handed it to all his children to be firmly planted at
our respective homes. I now carry forth those same
roots, passed on from one generation to the next, to grow and nurture my
family, to guide and shelter my children, to grow into a loving and giving tree
that can sprout branches while keeping the values and roots of my forefathers
alive.
Note: Pictures and images have been sourced from the internet.
👌
ReplyDeleteThank you..
DeleteWonderfully written Sudha
ReplyDeleteThank you Rajesh!
DeleteBeautifully written Sudha!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sudha!
DeleteThat was so nice to read Sudha.
ReplyDeleteThank you...
DeleteA veritable force indeed but with gentleness to those who deserve it. His humour laced with wit still brings a twitch to those who are able to understand him.
ReplyDeleteYour post brings a sense of poignancy and makes me want to cherish the time I have left with my parents so that I can reflect with a sense of pride at having given back more than what I received
I am glad you all spent those couple of days with him in January. He was extremely happy. And I so love your take on this - wanting to do/give more than you receive. Very nice Soumya.
DeleteSudha it’s so true , it took me Back to my grandparents & my parents house & childhood Golden memories , thanks for reviving our memories , waiting for some more God Bless
ReplyDeleteThank you Manni...I know the post is written in a time of grief but I always prefer to look at the positive side of things.
DeleteVery nice.. I am sure you can relate more to this since you have been away from home. Men may not relate since they never move out of their home. But yeah some people are inspirational, I can relate that with my mother
ReplyDeleteRight...Manasvi and I were discussing just this today.
DeleteBeautifully narated Sudha. Uncle was such an inspiration to all of us who knew him....
ReplyDeleteReading this took me back to my memories...I have been missing my dad for the past 22 years... I remember our parents in every thing we do, they were out mentor and role models, as you have rightly said, we should create the same atmosphere for the next generation.
Thank you for your kind words. And I totally agree with you, the baton is certainly with us now.
DeleteBeautifully written and I related to everything you said. My dad passed away this year in July, came from a large family and was the root of our family tree. His passing away left me with a void and many cherished memories.
ReplyDeleteYour blog brought back beautiful memories. 👏🏽👏🏽
- Shiba
Thank you Shiba... even though we carry on with life, there come some moments when you sorely miss your loved ones... hugs to you, Shiba
DeleteExcellently penned Sudha, capturing the very essence and values of family. You can always count on 3 more strong banyan trees one in Namma Bengaluru, one in San Jose and one in Houston. Feel free to consider these as your " home" to put your leg up, let your hair down, to banish your blues, or to be anything you want. The tree has got transplanted.
ReplyDeleteThank you... this is the best I have heard! ❤
Deletevery Well written Sudha... I remember your dad vividly when i took your brother's apartment on rent at Mathikere in 1998. He was very clear in showing the flat around and also was soft but firm in talking.
ReplyDeleteThank you PV...He did have a commanding presence. My parents enjoyed having you and Hema....my mother still fondly remembers Hema.
DeleteTotally relatable , Real physical homes/roots turn into virtual ones over time with the loss of the elders in our lives ...but the virtual ones are only as strong as we want them to be ...
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Venky. The onus is on us to strengthen our relationships. Thanks for reading.
Delete