Short Story - The Proverbial Revenge

 

“Amma,  AMMA, when will this Thatha go back?”, whined my 10-year old daughter Megha.  She was referring to my Father’s  elder brother, Venkutu Peripa, who was visiting us for a while.  I quietly asked her, “Why Megs, what is the problem?”

Megha immediately started her tirade. “Oh God, he is so irritating!  He always has something to say about everything! And not just that, he has to justify everything with a proverb!  I am sick and tired of listening to him Amma.” 

I cajoled her gently,” Common Megs, he is not that bad.  He has his  quirks, but he means well.”

Megs continued her rant. “He makes me MAD. The other day, you asked me to finish my homework and I didn’t.  You were upset when you found out.  Venkutu  Thatha mockingly said ‘Spare the rod  and spoil the child.’  It is only homework, why should you beat me for not doing it?”

I explained calmly, “Well Megs, it might be just a small bit of homework that you missed.  But Thatha wanted to ensure that it did not become a habit…you need to be disciplined so that you don’t lose out on the important stuff in life.”

Megha smirked and continued, “He embarrassed me when my friends came home.  Siri and Puja were here last week.  Thatha had to butt in and talk to them. He gave a lecture on the importance of being punctual and doing our chores on time   And ofcourse, he used a proverb – A Stitch in time saves nine.  UGGHH!!” 

Just then, Varsha walked in and heard her younger sister’s angry narration.  She jumped into the conversation and shared her tale of woe. “Listen Amma, you need to book Thatha’s return tickets quickly.  He is a royal pain.”

I reprimanded Varsha, “No Varsha, that is no way to talk.  He is an elderly man and has experienced so much of life.  He is just trying to help us all by sharing his experiences and making us see what is right and what is  wrong.   Don’t be rude.”

Varsha countered, ”Ok, sorry. But do you know what he did? You asked me to clean my room but I kept postponing it.  I finally did it when Anju was coming in for  a sleep-over. He was so astonished that a friend should actually stay back with us.  And derisively said, ‘in our times, we had enough cousins who stayed with us. We didn’t need friends.’  What is his problem?  And seeing me clean the room, he told Appa in Tamil – ‘Vennumna veraliyum kaykum, vendatta koppilayum Kaykadha.’  What do you think he meant?”

I hid my smile and said, “It just means - where there is a will, there is a way.”

Varsha angrily said, “NO, it is not just that.  I asked Appa the meaning and he told me. It means that a tree can bear fruit even in its roots if it really wants to.  But if the same tree does not desire, it will not bear fruits even in its branches. So what Thatha insinuated was that I cleaned my room only because I had a motive;  I would not have done it otherwise. What a mean thing to say!“

I thought to myself “Oh, how absolutely right is your Thatha!” But then, didn’t tell it aloud for fear of inciting the girls further - they were already in quite a rage.  So I said placatingly,” Girls, bear with him for a few more days. Thatha will be going back to Madras next week.“

As I left the room quietly, I heard the two girls hatching a plan.  Varsha said, “we must give Thatha a taste of his own medicine - taunt him with a proverb before he goes back.”

A couple of days later, Varsha and Megha were playing a game of Subway Surfers on the iPad.  They were playing in turns, laughing boisterously and having fun.   Venkutu Peripa  watched them keenly and then asked hesitantly, “Girls, why don’t you teach me how to play this game.  I too would like to try.  Seems to be fun.” 

The girls were surprised at Thatha’s sudden enthusiasm for the game and decided to oblige him.  Varsha said, “Okay Thatha, this policeman is trying to catch you.  You have to run away from him.  There will be several obstacles in the way. You can jump, move to the left or right.  To jump over, you swipe with your finger and use the arrow keys to move left or right.   You should also catch as many of the gold coins as you can – they keep floating in your path.  The more coins you have, higher will be your score.”

Megha piped in, “Don’t let the policeman catch you.  If he does, the game is over.”

Varsha handed over the iPad to Venkutu Thatha and asked him to play the game.  He adjusted his glasses, and tried diligently, but just as the game started, he immediately got caught by the policeman.  This went on for several minutes but Venkutu Thatha could not get the hang of playing the game.

He said, “Sorry girls, I don’t think I can do this.”  Varsha and Megha were waiting for such a situation.  Megha said, “But Thatha, didn’t you tell us ‘Where there is a will, there is a way’ – what happened now?

And Varsha, with a twinkle in her eye added, “Thatha, maybe we can’t teach an old dog, new tricks!”  

The girls, sporting broad grins, looked across at me. They had the gloating look of a warrior who had exacted his revenge!

Note: all images have been sourced from the internet
 

How to cope with the Empty Nest Syndrome

------published in the Women's Era, June - I  2018

The Empty Nest

As parents and more so as mothers, we spent the better part of our lives tending to and taking care of our children.  Starting from the pregnancy stage, our first and foremost concern has always been the well-being of our little ones - did they eat well, did they get enough sleep, did they get sufficient physical activity, did they do well in school, and did they make good friends, and so on. We worried endlessly, tried to protect them from hurt and rejection, encouraged them to grow, to explore newer horizons; and urged them to spread their wings.

We built a small nest – filled it with love and care and nurtured the fledglings.   We sacrificed quite a few of our own dreams and desires to keep our kids happy.  As working mothers, we opted for jobs that had flexible hours that let us spend more time with the children.  We put our careers on hold and did not pursue bigger opportunities as that would have meant leaving the home and the children.  Many of us quit our well-paying jobs just so we could be around the kids and tend to them.  Our every waking moment was spent planning their activities – driving them around, dropping them off in classes, waiting  to pick them up, preparing their favourite meals, baking cakes and pies to satisfy their sweet cravings,  rustling up quick treats to feed their and their friends’ ever-hungry stomachs. All our schedules were planned to revolve around the children’s activities. 

 

Today, the little ones have grown and morphed into young adults.  They are ready to leave the nest – to pursue higher education, to take up new jobs, to follow their dreams.  And with their going away, we are left with an empty nest.  As mothers, this is a very difficult period for all of us.  Not only do we feel the emotional vacuum but we are also at a total loss not knowing what to do with our lives.  After all, we spent a good part of twenty years ‘revolving around our sun’ and now without our ‘respective suns’, we feel totally out of place; lost in the nether world, continuing to spin but without any focus.    The sudden feeling of ‘not being wanted’ and not being important in our children’s lives catches us off-guard and shakes our confidence and our self-esteem. The raw hurt that comes from separation gnaws at our insides and may sometimes be too much to handle.

But let us not despair.  This is a situation that every mother will have to face.  This is a period that we need to plan and prepare for.  We need to think positively and with an open mind.  Here are some key actions that will help us gain control over the situation.

Life beyond parenting – Learn to spend time usefully -     The most positive outcome of the situation is that we now have plenty of time on our hands.  Our time is no more bound by our children’s schedules. We can now look forward to spending it meaningfully on activities that we had always planned to do.

Get fit and active - An able mind in an agile body is the panacea to all our problems.  Now that we have time, there can be no more excuses.  Our health and fitness is of utmost importance and now is the best time to start and adhere to a strict regimen of healthy eating and regular exercise.  We can enroll into a yoga course for regulating our breath and improving our flexibility, or we could join the local gym. (For some of us, it may be re-joining as we diligently took a membership before but ended up visiting the gym only on very few occasions).   For those of us who love to dance, we could join a Zumba class or a Pilates class to make our work-out routine interesting and fun.  Or we could just put on a pair of shoes and go for a brisk walk or take an early-morning jog. When we exercise regularly, the ‘feel-good’ endorphins get released in our brain, thus making us happy and cheerful.  All worries and anxieties are kept at bay and the stress of separation from our children can be better handled.

Pursue a hobby – We have often complained that we did not take up a hobby as there was no time.   That will no more be a valid reason.  We can now enroll and start afresh or continue from where we had paused.  It could be classical music, or dance, photography, foreign language or any other course that appeals to us.  Not only will this help us learn the art, we will also be using our time constructively.

Revive old friendships and develop social network - The importance of friends and friendships in our lives can never be overrated.   They are there for us at all times - to share our moments of glory and happiness, to lend their shoulder in our moment of grief, to yank us back to reality when we are floating on clouds of irrationality.   Due to our busy lives when caring for the children, we may have lost touch with a few of our friends.  Now is the best time to revive those old friendships.  Quite a few of them may also be in a similar situation as us and hence will be able to appreciate the importance and need to renew the bonding.  This is also a time to socialize more and make new friends – after all, we now have the time and maturity to look at situations and people meaningfully.

Take up social service - We can work as volunteers in NGOs and other associations that work on issues that we support and which we hold dear.   Most organizations may have the funds but not enough hands to execute their social projects.  Hence, our volunteering not only helps us realize our potential and boosts our self-value / morale but also helps the society at large. 

Travel more - Travel to a new place, meet new people, explore the country and cuisine, enjoy the local music, imbibe their traditions and culture -nothing broadens a person’s mind like travel does.   We now have all the time in the world to plan a long trip to far-away places, possibly those places like the Valley of Flowers which can be visited only in a certain month but which we never did thanks to being occupied with our children’s school and their activities.  We can plan that trek to the mountains to catch the brilliant and soul-stirring sunrise; we can go on a pilgrimage to all those temples that we wanted to visit but had to shelve the plan as the kids did not want to visit yet another temple town!  

Read more – We have often complained that the only time we get to read is when we use the bathroom.   But not so anymore.  Our time is our own; we can now read a book undisturbed in the comfort of our room (not bathroom!) We can bring back to life the avid and voracious readers that we once were prior to the birth of our children. 

Get a pet - Handling and taking care of a pet can do wonders to our morale and psyche.  Over the years, we have been conditioned to take care of our family and children.  A pet dog or cat kindles the caring nature in us and thus makes us feel important.  The loyalty and affection showered on us, especially by a dog, can be a very soothing and satisfying influence.  A pet helps us to find meaning with our lives and helps us stay rooted.

The empty-nest syndrome has often been misconstrued as a slightly scary phase of our life.  Let us learn to face this with an open mind.  Let us learn to embrace, respect and enjoy the new-found freedom and time.  As the age-old saying goes, “an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.”  Let us learn to lead an active and healthy lifestyle.  This is the only way we can ward off all health problems.  The empty nest certainly turns our life around; let us learn to welcome it with open arms, learn to look at it as an opportunity to live life on our terms doing the things that we always wanted to do.   

Picture credit -  all pictures have been sourced from the public domain

Books and Movies - A child's greatest influence!

All time favourite - Harry Potter series

Children are likely to be impressed by what they read and what they see; so much so that they extend their fictional experiences to real life.  My kids are the best examples to illustrate this point. They are avid readers and film watchers; their responses, choices and behaviour at home are impacted by the characters from their books and movies.

My elder daughter, a die-hard Potter fan, started reading the Harry Potter books when she was 9 years old.  Around that time, we took her to a store to buy clothes.  I pointed out to a nice green dress; her reaction – “Yewww, NOT GREEN! I don’t want to be a Slytherin!” And she of course picked up a maroon coloured T-shirt, chorusing all the while, “GO, GRYFFINDOR!” 

On her 11^th Birthday, she was hoping and praying that she would get a letter from Hogwarts to join the Magic School!  She was quite disappointed when that letter did not materialize, despite knowing that it was just fictional!

When her grand-mother asked her to explain some function of the TV remote, she kept making ‘hissing’ sounds.  Grandmother got angry and rebuked her – “Hey Kutty, what’s wrong with you?  Why don’t you talk properly?” Kutty’s cheeky response, “Oh Paati, I am sorry.  I forgot that you don’t understand or speak ‘Parsel tongue’!”

Recently, the Star Wars movie has also been a great influence.  As a run-up to the 7^th part of the series, we had a marathon viewing of the earlier movies and the girls were vastly impressed by a few characters from the movie.  Thanks to Yoda, English grammar can now be re-structured with the subject and predicate clauses in random positions.  I was preparing a traditional sweet called Haalbai and asked my daughter to taste it.  She did and her response was “Ahhh! After 15 years of you cooking, taste good this Haalbai finally!” 

Talking to my younger daughter and getting a proper response from her has become quite difficult these days.  I think she is crying but she is actually replying to some query of mine - making a strange, half-roaring, half-mewing sound like Chewie (Chewbacca from the Star Wars movie).  You can imagine my level of frustration!  Added to that are instances when the girls randomly whistle or talk in a stiff robot-like manner, emulating the droids R2-D2 and C-3PO. 

And then there was the time when my elder girl started to read Shakespeare’s sonnets and dramas.  She was fascinated by the English of yore and would try to speak in a similar style at home.  When I switched off the Telly and asked her to go study, her dramatic response- “Oh Mother! Pray, I beseech thee! Let me watch some more.  I shalt pick up mine books anon.”  Not to be outdone, I replied in her own style – “Mine loving daughter, tarry not a moment!  Thou exams cometh, hence make haste and take to your books!”  She of course, gave me a withering look and muttered “Et tu, Mother?”

My younger girl learnt about rhyming words and that reflected in her speech at home.  She spoke to her father, “Oh Appa, you are so nice and loving.  Can you take us swimming?”  Appa was completely captivated by his daughter’s charming request and replied, “Yes, of course dear!  Ask Amma to pack your swimming gear!”