----published in the Deccan Herald's Humour Column dated 30th Sep 2018
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| That's my spot! |
The people around me call me Squeaky. What an atrocious name for a good-natured, mellow cat like me! What kind of a name is it? Do I squeak like a rat? Please spare me; I mew, period. The humans that I live with are a bunch of crazy folks. They gave silly names to my siblings too - MokshaGundam, Holmes and SJ. And to cap it all, they called my mom ‘Mommy’ – just goes to show that their imagination is very limited. I remember, they watched a movie called 'The Gods Must be Crazy'. I can actually make a good, realistic film titled 'These Humans Must be Crazy' – I have more than enough content to fill up a 3-hour movie with their idiosyncrasies!
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| Catching a quick nap... |
Well, I am sure you know cats are experts in the field of slumber. We have different forms of sleep - we take a quick nap (the famous catnap), we doze, we go into a deep slumber, we snooze, we have a lie-down, and sometimes we simply sit down and shut our eyes taking on a Zen-like appearance. Our siestas are not restricted to the afternoons; mid-mornings, early evenings are also a good time to catch up on our sleep. After all we need to get in our 18 hours of sleep time every day - that is how we have been designed by the Almighty Lord. But what do our human friends have to say about this? They gush to every Tom, Dick and Harry they meet that I do nothing the whole day except eat and sleep! And every time I try to sleep, they come along to ‘pet’ me, completely disrupting my sleep pattern! I tell you, these people have no basic sense. They think I am like a dog that loves to be petted. Gosh, wonder when they will learn.
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| Me with my Maker - where did that mouse go? |
The so-called ‘evolved race’ certainly needs to learn a thing or two. The other day, I caught a rat with great
difficulty. It is getting harder by the day; there are zone restrictions that I have to consider before I hunt down
a mouse. As you know, we cats are very territorial. We love our individual space and protect it fiercely from
other felines. Well, I can catch any rat that moves in my territory but once it steps into the neighbouring site,
I have no control over it. And these pesky little fellows are getting wilier -they cross borders and escape into
enemy territory. Given this situation, it is not easy to hunt one down. But the other day, much to my happiness,
I succeeded in pinning one fellow down. In a moment of misplaced gratitude for the human who usually feeds
me, I thought I would give him my ‘prize catch’ and so I left the dead rat on his front step. You would think he
would be grateful and thank me profusely. But instead he got terribly upset and abused me. And worse, he
scooped up ‘the gift’ and threw it into the garbage, making ugly faces all the while. Just thinking about this
maddens me no end!
difficulty. It is getting harder by the day; there are zone restrictions that I have to consider before I hunt down
a mouse. As you know, we cats are very territorial. We love our individual space and protect it fiercely from
other felines. Well, I can catch any rat that moves in my territory but once it steps into the neighbouring site,
I have no control over it. And these pesky little fellows are getting wilier -they cross borders and escape into
enemy territory. Given this situation, it is not easy to hunt one down. But the other day, much to my happiness,
I succeeded in pinning one fellow down. In a moment of misplaced gratitude for the human who usually feeds
me, I thought I would give him my ‘prize catch’ and so I left the dead rat on his front step. You would think he
would be grateful and thank me profusely. But instead he got terribly upset and abused me. And worse, he
scooped up ‘the gift’ and threw it into the garbage, making ugly faces all the while. Just thinking about this
maddens me no end!
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| Who is the statue - the giraffe or me? |
And talking about feeding, I literally have to beg for food everyday. I have to mew loudly, incorporating
different sounds to seek their attention. I then have to rub my body across their legs – for some insane reason,
they seem to enjoy this, and I pretend that I do too. Only after a few minutes of this will they pick up the packet
of cat food to drop it into my plate. My begging ordeal does not end there. I then have to make those dumb-
heads understand that along with cat food they need to serve a cup of fresh water too. That needs another
round of mewing, and rubbing legs and repeated trips to the bathroom to show them that I want water. Whew!
And they think a cat’s life is easy!
different sounds to seek their attention. I then have to rub my body across their legs – for some insane reason,
they seem to enjoy this, and I pretend that I do too. Only after a few minutes of this will they pick up the packet
of cat food to drop it into my plate. My begging ordeal does not end there. I then have to make those dumb-
heads understand that along with cat food they need to serve a cup of fresh water too. That needs another
round of mewing, and rubbing legs and repeated trips to the bathroom to show them that I want water. Whew!
And they think a cat’s life is easy!
These days, my waking moments are spent in prayer – I pray to the Lord that He puts some sense into the
humans. Amen!
humans. Amen!
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| My Zen posture - me, myself and I |
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